Too much to tweet

What am I doing? I'm trying to work. From home. A few days a week this is what I try to do.

Today featured:
- construction noise directly below me as they build out a space for my Mom.
- my Mom calling my name nonstop, as she has a different nursing aide here today than she is used to. Plus my Mom calls my name nonstop anyway.
- this dialogue currently emanating from the bathroom behind me, as the aide helps my Mom to shower....

"It's too cold."
"Better?"
"It's too hot!"
"Better?"
"It's too cold again."
"Now?"
"Now it's too hot."

Multiply that by holy-shit-how-long-can-this-go-on and you have it.

- me bracing myself for Mom to later bitch about how she didn't like this aide.

Now they sound like a grumpy Laurel and Hardy trying to wash her hair.

"You people..."

I have a friend who is both brilliant and funny, and who is seemingly running the Obama campaign in northern Virginia singlehandedly. She and her husband are deeply invested in this election, and she does an admirable job of promoting debate and thought rather than divisiveness and rage.
She shared a story with me yesterday that I loved: while at a local chain grocery store, sporting her "Obama" button, the male cashier said, "I would have thought you Democrat ladies would be behind Palin."

Her response, without missing a beat: "Why? Because we're gynecologically similar?"

He then proceeded to make comments along the lines of "You liberals don't want any war, ever, anywhere." (Now bear in mind this guy is at work, saying these things to a customer.) She asked if he had, in fact, canvassed all liberals to come to this learned conclusion.

I think she lost him at "learned".

Truth in humor

Just got this at work. Usually don't recycle jokes but this was far more polite than my own post would be on this topic. The only difference between this joke and something I would write? The punchline following the punchline would be, "And someone needs to kick a fencepost up her ass to knock her out of the race."

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President .

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.'

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.'

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.'

Knows what she likes. And what she doesn't.

Jagosaurus accompanied me on the ride up to Occupied Virginia this morning. She also took control of the MP3 player, and it's functioning "skip" button. So it was 5-1/2 hours of driving and precious few songs heard in their entirety. As a matter of fact, after a few notes, it was pretty much one of these variations:

"No."
"Oh, hell, no."
"Fuck no." (This was usually directed at Barry Manilow.)
"I can't listen to that."
"No way in hell can I tolerate that."
"Oh, god, no." (This was reserved for any songs that had the audacity to be sung by a country music ARTIST.)

And, very rarely, "I love this song!"

She lasted an entire two hours before casually asking, "Hey, is there a way to adjust the treble and bass in this car?"

Jagosaurus, revealed!

more cat pictures

Note the books in the background.

This is her in cat form.

"But Pa! I love that dog!"

From the Wikipedia entry for Melissa Gilbert* (Laura? Little House On The Prairie? C'mon, where were you in 1975?)

"In 2006, Gilbert appeared as Shari Noble, a patient looking to reconstruct her nipples after committing zoophilia with her dog in a season 4 episode of Nip/Tuck. Beginning in August 2008, Gilbert will appear in a musical version of Little House on the Prairie at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis. She will play the character Ma.^[2]

For her contribution to the television industry, Gilbert has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 6429 Hollywood Blvd."

Yeah, the bold is mine. Because wtf? I can't decide if taking that role makes her 87 different kinds of awesome or Tori Spelling.

Thanks to Maven for nudging me to the entry in wikipedia.

*I've been told by a number of people that she is the celebrity I most resemble. Even from people who haven't seen my nipples.

Rowr.

The scene: Parking lot of Baja Fresh. Trasherati and Jag are slowing to wait for two pedestrians to amble past so they can pull into a parking space. The pedestrians appear to be two young, pretty blonde things - strappy heels and the prancing gait that accompanies them, big sunglasses, small purses awkwardly swaying in the crook of their arms...as they get closer, though, we realize that these women are, in fact, closer in age to Trasherati.

Trasherati (muttering): Come on ladies, get your Botoxed selves on past.

Jag: I thought cougars moved faster than that.