I provide you, my in-the-computer friends, a chance to dispense a good solid kick in the butt, and some insight into my id: how do you respond to the following?
I am notoriously awful about keeping in touch with people. I don't just mean random acquaintances - we're talking about people I love, those who's company I enjoy, people who add a great deal to my life. You few who read this blog and know me well are guffawing at the understatement that is "notoriously awful about keeping in touch". I suck
at it. And this is from someone who is described as a good communicator and majored in said activity, even receiving an advanced degree in the discipline. To wit: I never send birthday/holiday/congratulations cards; I don't write letters; I don't return calls with any consistency; I don't return emails, like, ever. (I do read blogs, which probably does not count.) Best friend of 25 years? Still can't tell you her birthdate. See? Suckage.
While I have struggled with this all my life, I still have not reconciled my desire to improve with different actions. And I'm not offering any excuses why I'm so rude and thoughtless. What I'm struggling with now is how to go about improving on past behaviors: I last spoke to a friend a few months ago. She understands to a certain extent that I'm "busy", and to a lesser extent about the aforementioned suckage. I'm assuming that she's hasn't contacted me because A)she's given up on me, or B) is waiting for me to contact her, while half hoping that I won't because her patience with my inconsistent communication is exhausted.
I feel like if I get in touch with her that it would require a certain amount of me apologizing/promising to do better. And something in the most immature part of my personality resents that. I know. I know
. I should do better, I KNOW ALREADY but that doesn't make it easier for the irresponsible two-year old in me to face the fact that I might have to just DEAL with the fact that I've consistently DISAPPOINTED SOMEONE. I always expect the same amount of insane tolerance I exhibit towards others and that's not at all realistic. You could not call me for years and I'd pick up the phone like no time had passed. But I'm NOT NORMAL. Normal people make a regularly scheduled effort, right?
So. There's one of the warts. Do you know anyone like me? How do you deal with that person? What would "improvement" look like to you?