Tuesday, November 22, 2005

If you blog it, they will come....

Big ups to my girl Jagosaurus.

If you haven't been there yet, go visit. Like the first thousand, you won't regret it.

Why ya' gotta' go all Olsen twin on me?

This week I keep running smack up against women who are dieting. For an EVENT. And it's driving me batshit.

One is denying herself food because she's getting married. In April.
And over across the blogosphere, Ultratart has decided to "get lean" for Heather's wedding and even changed her header to feature a Diet Coke can for inspiration or something, I dunno.
Another wants to fit into a certain size dress for a company Christmas party. You read that right. A company Christmas party.

The thing is, I respect all of these women a great deal. I just can't get behind the whole starve-yourself-skinny-so-you-look-a-certain-way-for-ONE-DAY mentality.

Good lord, everyone at these events knows you. They love you. All of you. And all of you will be draped in some sort of fabulousness, making you look even more beautiful than ever. No one will be looking at you and thinking, "Damn, girlfriend couldn't have tried to drop a few pounds?"

Aaaaaannd - men don't feel the need to do this. Men never refuse a beer or hot cheesy goodness with the phrase "Oh, no, better not! I've got to fit into my Dockers next month." Bah.

Friday, November 18, 2005

I Can't Get No....

Today's mood: craving pimento cheese on squishy-soft bread.

Hey, it's my blog. I'm just sayin'.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Tar-jay? No way.

Now, before some of you get all keyboard-twitchy and commenty, a clarifying comment: Plan B pills are NOT abortion pills. While it is often confused with Mifeprex/RU486, they are not the same. Plan B prescriptions are simply higher doses of birth control pills designed to prevent fertilization/implantation. You know, the same thing birth control pills do for your system every month, only it's a one-shot deal. They do not cause your uterus to spit forth anything that has already melded egg and sperm and started forming a placenta. It does not do that.

This fundamental difference apparently cannot be grasped by a fundamentalist mind.
And Target is not helping.

What a great employer! I'm gonna' work for Target. They'll support me in my views, and let me really teach those who don't agree with my moral perspective a lesson. Target will be my muscle, letting me abscond my job responsibilities the second something offends my capricious sensibilities. Yeah, that's right, going to get me some monolithic Target power behind my mission. What they don't ask on the job application is what that mission is. Mine is that NO ONE SHOULD SPEND THEIR MONEY AT TARGET.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Is there nothing too trashy for the Washington Post?

"The Church of the Rapture and Paradise Liquor prepare to leave corner of 14th and T behind."

Nice headline. At first I thought it was an article about a star-crossed D.C. romance. Turns out it's about the real estate boom.

From the article: "When the Church of the Rapture sells for $10 million this year, the Pentecostal storefront on the corner of 14th and T streets NW hits the jackpot. Pastor Theresa Garrison always says that God channels his wishes through her, and when He said, "Sell," it was near the peak of a commercial real estate boom on 14th Street.".

I'm just glad she assumed God meant "sell the church" - if He had spoke to someone else in that part of the 'hood, it might have ended with Paradise Liquor throwing a twenty on the nightstand while Church of the Rapture packed up the little soaps and shampoo.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Talk about promoting Bush....

Jack. Pot.

I'm buying cases of these and distributing them to every stripper, hooker, and crack whore I can find. That way the Republican party will be sure to see and enjoy them at the next convention.

I'm all about helping to spread (hee!) the message, baby....

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Mood: estrogen enhanced. This does not bode well for the general public.

I teach. Let me clarify...I am an adjunct faculty member at a local university, so I teach two nights a week. I hate to begin any discussion this way, but AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO IS NOT DEAF IN MY CLASSES?!!?

I have fielded no less than thirty emails today, ranging from minor not-following-the-guidelines-as-expressly-stated-in-the-handbook, to "I missed last night's exam. When can I make it up?" (Um, I dunno. Oh, wait - do I owe you more of an explanation or information than is being provided to me? Sorry! I'll make a special time for you right now.)

And don't get me started on the inability to choose a topic for a research paper. Textbook=index=pick one. Any one. Any. One. Really. Any time now. Paper's due Monday.

If I ever believed that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way, it has been beaten out of me by the Chinese torture of a steady stream of stupid.

I will now visit both the bowl of candy on my desk and the nearest Starbucks. Then I'll feel like teaching again tonight.